Matthew

This is my baby boy, Matthew.  He is 23 months old.  Matthew's reaction to being away from his Mommy is very heartbreaking for me.  Just looking at my baby while I type this is making me want to cry.  My son went from being securely bonded to me to acting as if I am not even in the room.  Matthew has always loved to cuddle, play tickles, give huggies and kissies, and stay right under my feet.  When I visit him, supervised in the CPS office, he seems to have almost contempt for me.  In two short weeks, Matthew has become an angry little boy.  He doesn't want me to hold him.  He doesn't like to be tickled any more.  The only connection I have found so far is letting him listen to his Sesame Street songs on my Ipod touch.  Yesterday, his foster parent was leaving to give us time together and he gave her a kiss and a hug.  When I had to leave him, I asked him for a kiss and a hug and he would not give it to me.  I felt like my heart had been ripped out of my chest.  I have been weeping for 24 hours now.  I am so sad that my infant doesn't feel bonded to me anymore. And while I am grieving the lack of bonding I have with my baby, I want to make sure that I clarify how I feel about his foster parent.  Though I have only spoken to her once, my children have told me wonderful things about her.  I am grateful that there is somebody in this world who is not only willing to foster children who need them, but to also take 3 children in an effort to keep them together.  Through this trying time, I am relying on my Faith.  I am allowing myself to believe that God has sent this lovely woman into our lives to help our children while we go through all of this.