My favorite poem

A baby asked God, "They tell me you are sending me to Earth tomorrow, but how am I going to live there being so small and helpless?"

God said, "Your angel will be waiting for you and will take care of you."

The child further inquired, "But tell me, here in Heaven I don't have to do anything but sing and smile to be happy."

God said, "Your angel will sing for you and will also smile for you.  And you will feel your angel's love and be very happy."

Again the child asked, "And how am I going to be able to understand when people talk to me if I don't know the language?"

God said, "Your angel will tell you the most beautiful and sweet words you will ever hear, and with much patience and care, your angel will teach you how to speak."

"And what am I going to do when I want to talk to you?"

God said, "Your angel will place your hands together and will teach you how to pray."

"Who will protect me?"

God said, "Your angel will defend you even if it means risking it's life."

"But I will always be sad because I will not see you anymore."

God said, "Your angel will always talk to you about Me and will teach you the way to come back to Me, even though I will always be next to you."

At that moment great peace was in Heaven.  Voices from Earth could be heard and the baby said "If I am to go right now will you please tell me My Angel's name?"

"You will simply call her Mommy."

Grandparent rights

My father in law Gene is one of the sweetest people in the world.  I have always made the joke that I won the inlaw lottery because both my father in law, and my mother in law Charlene are the best inlaws a woman could have.  Not only are they amazing grandparents to our children, they also have always given me the respect of allowing me to make the decisions concerning the children.  They have never been ones to override what choices we make concerning our children.  The end result is a very tight knit family that has been subjected to accusations and heartbreaking seperations from the children.
For some reason, because of the accusations against Keith, Gene has been treated as if he is a threat to the children as well.  Gene has spent nearly every day of Matthew's life with him.  He collects the comics every day for Kevin, including during this time that our babies have been taken away.  Raine is shy but she loves her some Grandpa.  The pain I see in my father in laws eyes makes my heart physically hurt.  That man would never hurt a child for any reason yet he has been given the run around concerning seeing his own grandchildren.  Every day I pray that this isn't going to cause serious health problems for him and my mother in law.  I fear all of this being too much for  man his age and it getting the best of him.  It would shatter our family even more if anything were to happen to him because of all the stress and agony he has had to suffer at the hands of our government officials.

Heartbroken

I miss my babies.  I am heartbroken.  Every day I wake up in a house by myself.  Our home has become a place of bricks and wood.  There is no longer the love force within it that made it our home.  It is now more of a prison.  I miss my children's laughter and even their fights.  I miss needing to get dinner cooked while I helped with home and fed Matthew his bananas.  I miss the safety and security I felt when my husband lived in our home.  Every night I fear going to sleep because he can't protect us from everything that has happened.  I realize that the only way to survive this is to face the world alone with my children.  It's a big world and we are just little people.

Matthew

This is my baby boy, Matthew.  He is 23 months old.  Matthew's reaction to being away from his Mommy is very heartbreaking for me.  Just looking at my baby while I type this is making me want to cry.  My son went from being securely bonded to me to acting as if I am not even in the room.  Matthew has always loved to cuddle, play tickles, give huggies and kissies, and stay right under my feet.  When I visit him, supervised in the CPS office, he seems to have almost contempt for me.  In two short weeks, Matthew has become an angry little boy.  He doesn't want me to hold him.  He doesn't like to be tickled any more.  The only connection I have found so far is letting him listen to his Sesame Street songs on my Ipod touch.  Yesterday, his foster parent was leaving to give us time together and he gave her a kiss and a hug.  When I had to leave him, I asked him for a kiss and a hug and he would not give it to me.  I felt like my heart had been ripped out of my chest.  I have been weeping for 24 hours now.  I am so sad that my infant doesn't feel bonded to me anymore. And while I am grieving the lack of bonding I have with my baby, I want to make sure that I clarify how I feel about his foster parent.  Though I have only spoken to her once, my children have told me wonderful things about her.  I am grateful that there is somebody in this world who is not only willing to foster children who need them, but to also take 3 children in an effort to keep them together.  Through this trying time, I am relying on my Faith.  I am allowing myself to believe that God has sent this lovely woman into our lives to help our children while we go through all of this.

Raine

This is my Princess.  Raine.  She is 7 years old and suffers from learning disabilities.  Her reaction to being seperated from her Mommy has been to disconnect from the world around her.  When I ask her simple questions such as, "Do you like the pants I got you?" she can't even focus enough to respond coherently.  Raine has always been Mommy's little girl.  She is amazing.  She is funny.  She is smart.  She is creative.  Raine has a unique sense of style which usually includes mix and matching different items in her wardrobe into something that most people wouldn't even think of.  She likes to wear skirts with jeans.  She loves glittery shoes and tucking her jeans into her boots.  Raine also has an incredible sense of self.  Her self esteem is extraordinarily high for a little girl her age.  As far as she's concerned, she's cool, it's everyone else that are the strange ones.

Kevin

This is my oldest son Kevin.  He is 10 years old and is the protective big brother every mother wants their broad to have.  During the time that my children have been held in the foster care system, Kevin has exhibited signs of extraordinary stress and fits of crying because he desperately misses his Mommy and wants to come home.  Due to current California law, every piece of court paperwork is served to my 5th grade child.  This paperwork includes the list of false accusations against me and information concerning the relationship my exhusband (His father) and I had.  Information which we, as his parents have opted to not share with him since we believe that adult issues should remain seperate from child issues.  The problems that my exhusband and I had has no bearing on the relationship Kevin has the right to have with his father.  Yet the State of California feels that he should know these things.