This is the email.....

January 5

Michelle Spurgin

• children
  so, I find myself in an unexpected spot here. Dara I have hated you for years but today I fear for you, you and your children. I have learned Keith molested both of my kids the who;e time we were together and then some. He was brutal with Randal, disgusting with both; a true maggot! I know you will find this hard to believe I did too. you will probably think I am crazy or some shit like that but I hope it pl;ants enough of a seed for you to watch for your kids better than I did. I just felt immediately scared or terrified for them when Angel and Randy opened up about things. Angel said when she was scared for your babies so I felt compelled to let you know~ from one Mom to another~

January 7

Dara Faul

• Michelle,
  I've spent the last couple of days trying to think of what to say when I respond to you about this situation and I hope I've found a positive way to do this. I appreciate you making sure that I was aware of the situation. As a mother, I understand where you're coming from. I did ask Kevin and Raine if Dad had ever touched them inappropriately and both of them were very adament that he never had. Obviously Matthew isn't old enough to be asked but I imagine the story is the same there too.
  My concern here is that you are making allegations that are not true. If Randy and Angel legitimately told you that Keith had done something like that, your reaction is totally understandable. However, if you were to truly think logically about this, you would know that Keith has never and would never molest a child. I have tried to think of a time when Keith has ever been inappropriate with the kids and I can't think of one time when that has happened. Furthurmore, a child molester doesn't quit offending when the victims aren't readily available. If Keith was a sexual offender, Kevin and Raine would have been victimized and that hasn't happened. In fact, Kevin and Raine didn't know that there are Dads out there that do that kind of sick stuff. Both of them are devastated that someone could say that their Dad would do something so horrifying.
  I realize that there is a lot of bad blood between the 3 of us and that makes this situation even more complicated. I have never talked to you directly about this situation but do know that neither Keith or I are proud of how this came down. We realize that you were deeply hurt and we take responsibility for that. I would hope that you would not allow the bad circumstances of the end of your relationship and the beginning of ours to affect the relationship Keith has with the kids. Keith loves Randy and Angel. He always has. When you guys split up, that was one of his biggest priorities. Making sure that he kept a solid parental relationship with the kids. Unfortunatly time and circumstance has made that more difficult but I know that especially Angel is still a big part of Keith's heart. He might have Matthew but Angel has always been Daddy's little girl to him.
  I don't know what would have caused Randy and Angel to make these claims against Keith. The whole thing baffles me. I do know that both Randy and Angel feel very responsible for you and they can see the hurt and resentment that you carry concerning Keith. I remember feeling that way as a kid when it came to my Mom so I can understand where the kids are coming from. But to accuse Keith of child molestation is taking the situation too far. I hope you are willing to look more into these accusations before you take irreparable action. We wish you and the children no ill will but we are prepared to stand our ground on this.
  God Bless

January 7

Michelle Spurgin

• well it is your choice to live with Dara, we will and already have prayed for you and your children of whom Angel has expressed a concern for. She really wanted to make sure I told you, but anyhow. Now as far as Mr. Faul do not worry; I will follow my children's accusations up with proof in a court of law! he will go to prison for what he has done. The process has already begun here. Dara I wish you no ill will either and pray to God he has never touched yours, but I definately beleive my kids about this. they are not lying and he will pay for the irreparable damage he has left behind. But I will do it all legal like don't worry.
  I knew you would defend and feel it was not true Dara, I am still in shock myself. But after the last four days for sitting of holding my kids who could finally let this out shell shocked is more like it. My poor babies My God! Dara my kids are not lying. Good luck and as you said GOD BLESS YOU & YOUR CHILDREN

This is the email that started the nightmare that has plagued our family for the past year.  My husbands mentally unstable ex-girlfriend sent me a Facebook message to tell me that my husband was a pedophile who had allegedly raped her children.  We were well aware of the allegations against my husband because a couple of days before she sent this email, she called my husband on his cellphone while he was at work.  She was screaming at him and telling him repeatedly, "I AM GOING TO RUIN YOUR LIFE!  YOUR LIFE IS OVER!"  Sadly, this isn't the first time this woman has said these words, and it certainly wasn't the first time she had attempted to attack us.  For years this woman has made it her life goal to make our lives hell.  Every time that either her, or her children were involved in any aspect of our lives, it was chaos and hatefulness.  In 2003 I had to actually file a restraining order against this woman because she had picked up a nasty habit of stalking my home and my children.  She left a black rose on my doorstep.  Everytime she would see my husbands truck in my driveway, she would call or have her children call him to get him away from me.  She even threatened the safety of my children, who were 3 and a newborn at the time, by telling my bestfriend who was watching them, that if I knew what was good for them, I wouldn't allow my children to play outside.

2011...The year we will always remember

Thanksgiving has passed and we are moving onto Christmas.  The one year anniversary of my children's abduction by CPS and our passage into hell is coming up in January.  It has been an incredibly stressful year and as it comes to a close, I realize that if I can withstand everything that has happened to us, then I am prepared to face anything in life and take the bull by the horns.

Tomorrow is a big day for us.  Tomorrow, our DFCS case is scheduled to be dismissed.  I have had this blog patiently waiting in the wings for this day.  I want to share with the world how absolutely ridiculous and backwards our CPS system is in this country.  How these social workers are allowed absolute power with no system of checks and balances.  The Constitutional rights that we as Americans think we have but in reality, do not.  The sheer rage that imminates through my body when I realize the trauma my family had to suffer through because of a jealous mentally unbalanced ex-girlfriend and the messed up kids she raised.

My silence has come at a cost.  It is time to pay the piper.......

Life goes on

It has been a long time since I blogged about my children and I's involuntary involvement with San Bernardino County Child Protective Services.  I originally chose not to blog for a while because of the fear I had of retribution but while I can't go into names and details, what I have decided is to share the knowledge that I have gathered through this process.  Once our case is closed, then I will get into more specifics and tell the real story behind the victimization of our family.

I did get my 3 children back on February 24, 2011.  My children were forced to submit to a medical examination and an interrogation at the forensic center in our county in order to verify that they had never been abused in any way.  We were scheduled to go to court on the 24th for yet another hearing and frankly, we didn't have much hope of our children being returned to us.  My husband and I were at the CPS office for our scheduled supervised visitation with our youngest son when we got the news that our children were coming home.  Our caseworker came out into the parking lot to let us know that we were not only getting our children back but that the case against us was being dropped and Keith could move back home.  The emotions that ran through me were so intense that I thought I was going to faint.  We could barely sleep that night knowing that the following day was going to be the end of the nightmare we were dealing with.  Then we went to court.

Our caseworker had full intention of returning our children and dropping the case.  Unfortunately, her attorney, whom had almost no knowledge of the case felt that he was the resident expert and refused to allow the case to be dropped.  Not only did he refuse to let the case be dropped, he was standing in the courthouse hallway yelling at our caseworker within inches of her face and in front of everyone sitting there.  Obviously professionalism isn't his strong suit.  After hours of negotiations, the final judgement was that my children were returned to me with the understanding that Keith cannot live in our home with us and could only be around the children if he was supervised by either myself or my inlaws.  We left the courthouse disappointed that the case wasn't dropped but with renewed hope since we were on our way to pick up our children!

We picked up our children at the CPS office at 4 p.m.  Our babies immediately ran straight to their Dad whom they hadn't been allowed to see since they were taken on January 31st.  When Matthew, our toddler, was brought in, my heart fell.  The entire side of his face was bruised and we were told that he had been attacked by a dog.  My 23 month old baby was attacked by a dog while in foster care!!!!!!!  Not only had he been attacked by an animal, apparently nobody thought that an infant taking enough of a hit to the head to cause that kind of bruising, should be taken to get medical treatment.  I was furious that my baby had been hurt but relieved to put him in my car and leave.  Matthew was still just as sick as he had been when they had taken them nearly a month before.  A few days after he came home, we took him to the doctor and found out that he had developed pnemonia from lack of medical care while in foster care.  His lungs are most likely permanently scarred.

We chose to contest the charges against us for obvious reasons.  Neither of us are guilty of anything and we refuse to just accept that the social workers and courts are right in what they have done to us.  We were victimized by a jealous ex and her mentally ill kids and we refuse to allow their lies to take us down without a fight.  Our trial date is set for Wednesday.  We had to go to court last Thursday for a final hearing before the trial and found out that the county is paying to fly the ex and her kids out here to testify against us.  Well, testify against Keith really.  The irony in this is they lied to harm us and now they get yet ANOTHER free trip to California to see their family out here.  We were given a whopping 6 days to prepare for this and while I still gag at the thought of looking at those disgusting losers, I look forward to dealing with this and facing it down. I am not one to cower when attacked.  I am ready to hold my head high and handle this for the sake of my children, my husband, and for everyone else who has ever been falsely accused of abuse by psychopaths.

My favorite poem

A baby asked God, "They tell me you are sending me to Earth tomorrow, but how am I going to live there being so small and helpless?"

God said, "Your angel will be waiting for you and will take care of you."

The child further inquired, "But tell me, here in Heaven I don't have to do anything but sing and smile to be happy."

God said, "Your angel will sing for you and will also smile for you.  And you will feel your angel's love and be very happy."

Again the child asked, "And how am I going to be able to understand when people talk to me if I don't know the language?"

God said, "Your angel will tell you the most beautiful and sweet words you will ever hear, and with much patience and care, your angel will teach you how to speak."

"And what am I going to do when I want to talk to you?"

God said, "Your angel will place your hands together and will teach you how to pray."

"Who will protect me?"

God said, "Your angel will defend you even if it means risking it's life."

"But I will always be sad because I will not see you anymore."

God said, "Your angel will always talk to you about Me and will teach you the way to come back to Me, even though I will always be next to you."

At that moment great peace was in Heaven.  Voices from Earth could be heard and the baby said "If I am to go right now will you please tell me My Angel's name?"

"You will simply call her Mommy."

Grandparent rights

My father in law Gene is one of the sweetest people in the world.  I have always made the joke that I won the inlaw lottery because both my father in law, and my mother in law Charlene are the best inlaws a woman could have.  Not only are they amazing grandparents to our children, they also have always given me the respect of allowing me to make the decisions concerning the children.  They have never been ones to override what choices we make concerning our children.  The end result is a very tight knit family that has been subjected to accusations and heartbreaking seperations from the children.
For some reason, because of the accusations against Keith, Gene has been treated as if he is a threat to the children as well.  Gene has spent nearly every day of Matthew's life with him.  He collects the comics every day for Kevin, including during this time that our babies have been taken away.  Raine is shy but she loves her some Grandpa.  The pain I see in my father in laws eyes makes my heart physically hurt.  That man would never hurt a child for any reason yet he has been given the run around concerning seeing his own grandchildren.  Every day I pray that this isn't going to cause serious health problems for him and my mother in law.  I fear all of this being too much for  man his age and it getting the best of him.  It would shatter our family even more if anything were to happen to him because of all the stress and agony he has had to suffer at the hands of our government officials.

Heartbroken

I miss my babies.  I am heartbroken.  Every day I wake up in a house by myself.  Our home has become a place of bricks and wood.  There is no longer the love force within it that made it our home.  It is now more of a prison.  I miss my children's laughter and even their fights.  I miss needing to get dinner cooked while I helped with home and fed Matthew his bananas.  I miss the safety and security I felt when my husband lived in our home.  Every night I fear going to sleep because he can't protect us from everything that has happened.  I realize that the only way to survive this is to face the world alone with my children.  It's a big world and we are just little people.

Matthew

This is my baby boy, Matthew.  He is 23 months old.  Matthew's reaction to being away from his Mommy is very heartbreaking for me.  Just looking at my baby while I type this is making me want to cry.  My son went from being securely bonded to me to acting as if I am not even in the room.  Matthew has always loved to cuddle, play tickles, give huggies and kissies, and stay right under my feet.  When I visit him, supervised in the CPS office, he seems to have almost contempt for me.  In two short weeks, Matthew has become an angry little boy.  He doesn't want me to hold him.  He doesn't like to be tickled any more.  The only connection I have found so far is letting him listen to his Sesame Street songs on my Ipod touch.  Yesterday, his foster parent was leaving to give us time together and he gave her a kiss and a hug.  When I had to leave him, I asked him for a kiss and a hug and he would not give it to me.  I felt like my heart had been ripped out of my chest.  I have been weeping for 24 hours now.  I am so sad that my infant doesn't feel bonded to me anymore. And while I am grieving the lack of bonding I have with my baby, I want to make sure that I clarify how I feel about his foster parent.  Though I have only spoken to her once, my children have told me wonderful things about her.  I am grateful that there is somebody in this world who is not only willing to foster children who need them, but to also take 3 children in an effort to keep them together.  Through this trying time, I am relying on my Faith.  I am allowing myself to believe that God has sent this lovely woman into our lives to help our children while we go through all of this.